So Justin wants me to blog DAILY, which is fucking stressful. We chilled at Jimmy's place last night, which was good. Had a little trouble with the wine cork, but it turned out alright.
We talked about a lot of things. Some whackbullshit about stray hand sanitizer (that apparently reminds these guys of other stray liquids), some confessions, some reflections. I shared that I feel like I have too much hate sometimes, towards people who really can't help themselves. They're the way they are, and I'm the way I am, and if we clash, we clash. Its nobody's fault, but people just bug me. Like that girl that name dropped to a professor about her uncle, who is a prof at UCLA in the same field. Really? You had to do that? Or that kid that, when asked what he did over spring break, said he composed music on his electric guitar? You for real, dude?
Ahh HATE. I'm doing it right now. I have to accept them. As Justin said "can you change them with hate, Melissa? You have to love them. " Which is unthinkable. How would one go about that? I guess I have to find things I have in common with them. I mean, I understand the urge to present myself as someone I'm not. I get it, I do. But I just feel like most of us (people I hang out with, anyway) got over that in hs or freshmen year. And beyond that, even if you are genuine, I still might not like you due to a number of things, that neither you nor I can change.
So really, really, what I want to say is, friendships are really made by magic. It depends one who you are at a point in time, and who I am at that same point in time, and whether those two versions of ourself match up. And its sad to think that I could have been, at some point in my personal timeline, your best friend, but because our timelines didn't match up, I could feel nothing but unreasonable contempt for you. Its also sad that in our timelines, we change and become different persons, and you may have been friends with me but we become different people, and I'm forced to watch the magic fade.
And you know what, I'm okay with that. What happens, happens, and if its not meant to be, its not meant to be. I'm perfectly fine with the people that I love right now, and those I've loved in the past, and those I will love in the future. If I don't like you now, so be it.
I wonder if that means I can go back to hating on some bitches.
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